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Sorry is such a simple word,

The most difficult for all to say,

But it has such healing power,

Sorry I can only hope to hear you say,

Sorry not said because of guilt,

But because it is how you really feel,

I know you didn't mean to instill this acceptance,

You only wanted to be seen as the perfect family,

You see we really were as far as our love went,

But it was all the secrets that tore perfection apart,

First it was a belting in the sleepy Haze,

It was the tracksuit that covered the truth,

Then it was the rape that to you aback,

Would it really have killed dad to know the truth,

It made me feel so dirty and deserving of it all,

A little bit of counselling and this pain might have been gone,

Then there was the pregnancy that you said to keep under wraps,

I was forced into an abortion that I didn't want to have,

I know it wasn't you but you didn't say otherwise,

So swapped it under the carpet was so many lies,

So when my man beat me it's started all over again,

I wanted the perfect family in everyone else's eyes,

I was still feeling dirty deserving and guilty,

So I just did what you unintentionally taught,

The realisation is such a freeing thing

It means I can start working on once again being me,

I really not angry and I don't blame you,

Your parents did the same thing so many years before,

I love you with all my heart and I always have,

Because I know your intentions come from love,

For so many years I could not understand our distance,

I looked up to you but misunderstanding kept us apart,

I want to find what we want had so many years ago,

Even though I was ever so young and still in my cot,

I remember waiting for you to come home late at night,

When I got older I would creep into your side of the bed,

You are such an amazing mother and I know I let you down,

I never really meant it that was just my travel path,

In so many ways I wanted to be like you,

But in so many other is I wanted to be on my own,

It has taken 7 years of counselling and thousands of hours of pondering,

Whatever went wrong between my mum and me?

Why so much tension even though we love each other so,

When did it become so difficult to say I love you too?

I think deep down we both know how true our bond really is,

Because at the end of the day was the same secrets we kept,

You protect your husband each and every time,

So that he would never see his princess through distorted eyes,

I'm sorry that I asked you to keep my secrets for me,

Because between the two of us there's so much love,

It's just became too hard to cope with all the secrets,

So unbeknown to us doubt had made it bed,

Sorry is the only word I know I need to hear,

I hope it is also the word that wants more will bring us near,

never doubt that I love you my choices were never meant to hurt,

I just needed to be me without being judged.

Nothing that I ever did really hurt anyone,

No physical or emotional damage have I ever caused,

I was just a girl and pain who is trying to find herself,

Now 23 years from when it started I finally have,

I am not dirty deserving or disgusting,

I am not something or someone to be ashamed of,

I'm a strong woman who has been trying to find self worth,

I'm a strong woman just like my mum that I love.

I have achieved so much so many things in my pain filled life,

Even though all adversity I did it all on my own,

I did what you taught me and I never gave up,

So I want to say sorry and thank you Mum.

Notes From The Inside 2009

Get In Touch

Victoria Gilbert

02 4327 9359

1/26 The Entrance Road, The Entrance NSW 2261 (Upstairs)

Serving the Central Coast, Australia with health & wellness, CBD oil and life coach services.


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